I came across an interesting article last night. It presented the idea that certain types of workouts result in meditation or a variation of meditation. Thinking about it, I have to agree. I think Hell Week is an excellent example of that theory. I haven’t been able to put a name on the place where my experiences with now two Hell Weeks have taken me, but I’d say meditation would be it. That moment where I came to accept the physical task my body was going through but my mind became silent. All resistance had stopped. The constant “to do” list stopped playing on its endless loop. I was just there. Totally present in the moment.
To read the full article, visit http://www.tabatatimes.com/enter-the-wod-a-form-of-meditation/
Goodness it’s happening fast. It seems like in a blink I’ve went from having a set of fairly independent grandparents to suddenly not. Just over the past couple of weeks I think they’ve both aged years. And the hardest part is that neither my sister nor I know how to proceed. Hopefully my cousin has some ideas since her mom, their daughter, is traveling for the winter to warmer weather and we’re just kind of left here to muddle through. Neither of us have any kind of power of attorney, nor know much of their current medical care issues. My sister and I don’t even have my aunt’s cell phone number. Yesterday the police were called because my grandpa, who’s 90 years old, can’t hardly hear and won’t wear his hearing aids, showed up at a local hardware store and according to the clerk he was acting “funny”. I’m guessing the story my grandpa tells about their single, middle age female neighbor being a spy tipped him off in the “funny” category. (I am so not lying. My grandpa actually believes the government has planted a spy in their working class neighborhood.) The clerk knew my grandfather rarely went anywhere without my grandma so he called the police to check on them. The police officer ended up getting hold of my sister and after he assured her there was nothing wrong, he said he just wanted to make sure someone was coming in regularly to check on them. Grandma’s had two strokes and this winter seems to have taken her squarely in to the feeble category. And they fight, constant screaming at each other. Yesterday Grandpa told Grandma he wants a divorce. *Sigh*
It’s quickly becoming apparent that they aren’t going to be able to continue living on their own, yet the only person that can really take any action isn’t even around. So I feel like we’re just sitting here, waiting for the inevitable to happen while managing the chaos. I can’t take them in. Our house is two stories and not at all an appropriate solution. My sister’s house isn’t an appropriate living situation either. As far as I know, my aunt has made no plans for their long term care. I hope I’m wrong but based off of what my grandma has said, she thinks they can just live out their days in their house as long as someone comes to check on them once a week. Uh, yeah, that’s soooo not the reality that I’m seeing. And apparently the police don’t think that’s going to work either. *Double sigh*
I caught myself doing it again. Vilifying food. This time it’s almonds. The under currents of it have been there for a few months. Little flashes of “hmm, they’re in everything” and “there you go, eating an almond meal muffin after you had whole almonds at breakfast”. My little pack of almonds from the meeting yesterday are still safely tucked in my bag. Like a trophy to self deprivation. When I spotted it this afternoon and felt a glimmer of pride, I knew.
So logically I recognize It’s the start of moving them to the “bad” category. I can and have done it with many perfectly healthy foods. It’s not so much about the actual almonds, it’s more about recognizing the behavior and mindset and stopping it. There’s so many foods already sitting firmly in that category. I don’t want to let more go. And just having this list of “bad” foods, sitting there, holding a sort of power of me, is destructive. The guilt that comes from eating those “bad” foods is huge and the list of “safe” foods shrinks month by month. I jokingly say that I like to stitch together quilts of guilt and then wrap myself in there. There’s miles of truth in the joking though. Somewhere along the line I think I deserve to wear the guilt. A never ending penance for eating.
18 days until I attend the CrossFit cert. I can’t wait to be on the other side of it. I’m not nervous, it’s just been at the forefront of my mind for months on end now. I registered all the way back in December but it had been on my list of items to complete for a few months before that. I’m ready to move it to the mental “been there, done that” category.
A friend pointed out today that we’re held to such high standards at Circle City that that won’t even be an issue when it comes to the cert. And she’s right. I love that if your form gets sloppy, someone will call you out on it. Sure I hate hearing things like “half an inch more Lori” or “keep your chest up more” but allowing anything less wouldn’t be doing me or anyone else any favors.
Really though I think I’m just so absurdly excited about the USAW cert. that I want to be selfish and focus all my study time/ energy on that. Two whole days about Olympic Lifting! Sounds like perfection to me.
Feels a whole lot like every other day for the past year. In a good way though. I keep waiting to feel like I’m on the program or that I’ve started. Like it’s suppose to be this monumental moment. But it’s not. For two and a half years, I’ve listened to Chris talk about nutrition and mindfulness and all kinds of “out there” 😉 wellness subjects and at this point, what’s going on in BTWG seems so normal. Do I have room for improvement? Absolutely! (Hello failed meditation yesterday) But as much as I beat myself up over food choices or not exercising enough or the million other things we perfectionists tend to fixate on, I’m realizing that the truth is, I’m not doing so bad after all.
So maybe *this* is my monumental moment. The moment where I realize that I am on the right track and have been for a while. And I can continue this way of living outside of the walls of any program. Now that’s an empowering moment.
I’ll leave you with a bit of spring. I always feel so much more like “me” when the weather turns warm and I can have the windows open and enjoy everything blooming in the flower beds.
Honest-to-goodness itching because of dry winter skin. Like “my arm skin is going to rip from this stretch” during yoga. Oh yeah, that’s attractive. Clearly I’m failing in the water consumption area. I guzzle water all summer long but barely remember to get through a glass or two a day during the winter. I think I need some kind of water goal for the next few weeks until I can shift in to a habit. So half my body weight in ounces per day it is!
If you need me, I’ll undoubtedly be in the bathroom . . .
Day 1 of Bridging the Wellness Gap. I feel like I should write some epic paragraph about all this but frankly I’m tired but not tired enough to hit prime creativity (Prime slap happy? It’s a fine line between the two.) So click the link if you want to learn more about the program.